Sticking The Landing--The Mental Flexibility of Outliers

We talked here about arguing with the neurotypical and others.

Outliers generally have certain traits that differ from the neurotypical that I thought were worth addressing separately.  It is vital to learn what our strengths and weaknesses are, as well as the strengths and weaknesses of others, so that we can manage both well.

Understand that not all Outliers have these in the same measure.  Some traits require self discipline, wisdom, and capability, not just intelligence.  Some Outliers have emotional overexcitabilities that make it more difficult to be logical, while some Outliers have intellectual OE's that make it more difficult to be reasonable.


These enable us to make sounds judgments but also make it very difficult to argue with someone who does not have them.

1)  Thinking Deeply- We (generally) are comfortable gathering data and doing thought experiments.  Our mind is our playground and workshop.  However, for some people, thoughts are uncomfortable, and we need to remember that.  Not everyone literally feels a rush with new thought.

2)  Lack of Fear of  Ideas/New Info-- We understand that hearing a thought does not mean we have to accept it.  We are used to considering and discarding thoughts and ideas.  However, some people have visceral reactions to "new" ideas or thoughts and react in fear or anger.

3)  Tolerating Conflicting Thoughts-- It takes an extremely flexible mind to hold two conflicting opinions or options--it really does.  Not everyone has that ability or even desires that ability. 

4)  Comfort With Ambiguity--That time when the decision is not made, when the data is still being gathered.  It takes a long time to realize that not all human minds are ok with ambiguity. 

5)  Can Extrapolate From Incomplete.--Now, to be fair, we probably are more comfortable with ambiguity because we can extrapolate from incomplete data.  So we choose the ambiguity, knowing we can make an evaluation at any time.  It is imperative for Outliers to understand that not everyone is that flexible.

6)  Tenacity--We can spend a lot of time thinking and discussing when other people are getting weary and just want to move on.   (Anyone who has ever had to argue with an Outlier kid is now shouting AMEN at their screens)

7)  Word Play--Most of us are excellent wordsmiths.  We know the nuances of words and thoughts.  This is often overwhelming to others.

8)  A Bigger Bucket-- We can often understand complex ideas or can walk the dog down a path long enough to seem further outcomes.  Our minds work that fast, but normal minds don't.  They can only see that it makes sense to take one step, when we know that step looks right but will lead to step 12 biting us in the glutes.


So what is our biggest drawback?  I would say it is pride.  Pretty much everyone has pride but when you are used to being the smartest person in the room, you get to assuming you are always correct simply because you have a higher IQ.  That is incredibly flawed.  Consider the Tortoise and the Hare.  The Hare had the ability but he did not use it.  He assumed.  He did not accept that he could lose.  His pride was his downfall.

We need to make sure we are not jerks.  Pride cometh before the fall--truer words were never spoken.  We need to enter every discussion like we can learn something, with the acceptance of the worth of the other person, and be diligent.  Allow them to test our fences without fear--if they are able to break through then we needed a new fence anyway.

One more point on pride--we have to be willing to adjust our paradigms or previous ideas.  Sometimes new data comes across our minds which makes us have to re-evaluate.

Case in point:  I was watching Intervention the other day.  I rarely watch that show.  In this ep, there was an extremely co-dependent family.  The mom was literally taking her daughter to buy drugs.  The father was quiet and let the daughter run wild.  One daughter was the voice of sanity in that family.  The youngest daughter, the addicted one, was a tyrant and demanded her mom and grandmother give her money,  drugs, and let her drive cars.  I was thinking the dad needed to step up to the plate, the youngest daughter needed a knot in her tail, and the mom needed a reality check.  I figured the girl was an entitled brat, youngest kid, spoiled.

Further in the story you discover that the child before the addict was kidnapped from the house at night when there was a babysitter, raped, and murdered.  The addict was born after and a tremendous amount of pressure to fill in the gap for the lost child was placed on her.  Plus she was molested by a relative at age 12 but did not tell anyone because she felt so many people had already suffered because of the loss of her older sister.  Suddenly what honestly could have been a simple case of "Entitled kid and weak parents" (because that does happen--not every story is a tragic one) was a tale of generational guilt and unimaginable pain.

It taught me to make sure to ALWAYS check my pride, get all the data, leave room for new data, and not to make snap decisions.