Much Too Much

You know that feeling when you are really nauseated--perhaps carsick or from a stomach bug?  You are just barely hanging on, trying to stay quiet and still so you don't throw up?

Or perhaps you have a migraine or are hungover and are just barely hanging on to your lunch and your sanity?

You know how every scent, sound, sight, touch is overwhelming and you just want to go somewhere cool and quiet and dark and still?

That is what it is like for an Outlier with OE's or an introvert who has been overstimulated, minus (sometimes) the nausea and pain.

Now imagine someone saying "Dude, stop being a baby.  You aren't that sick.  Just grab your bucket and come to the club!".  Besides wanting to punch them square in the nose, you also are determined to not deal with people.  You just want to recover in peace.

"Much Too Much"
Outliers are Outliers because their entire nervous system, from brain to tiny nerve in a toe, is attune to input and sensory data and works constantly, like a revving engine, to make and break and remake unique connections.  This means that it is easy, particularly if tired or ill or run down, to overwhelm the nervous system.  Just as how it is a lot more problem throwing a wrench into a gear that is going at 200rpm vs one going at 2rpm, one little "too much" (sight, sound, thought, movement, interaction) can send the Outlier into that "nauseated but not" feeling.

When the nervous system is overloaded, you just feel the need to escape, to go somewhere cool and quiet or warm and dark or whatever is most settling.  It is like how scents don't cause stomach flu, but when you have it, a single whiff can put you over the edge from in control to hugging the bowl.

This is not just an emotional need to escape, it is actually a physical need as well to settle and reorganize the neurons and sensations.   When your Outlier is overwhelmed or has been going all day and comes home and just needs a few minutes of quiet and alone, let him be.  Suggest music, a book, a walk outside, a hug--something that will allow them to regroup.    If your wife is an Outlier and has spent all day with children, she might need you suck up an hour with the kids (and chores--don't just plop in front of the tv and consider the fact that nothing was set on fire a win.  Put the dishes in the dishwasher or take 10 min to sweep the floor.  It is amazing how she will react to that to your favor) so she can get some quiet.

When the Outlier is an introvert, interactions with people, even via internet, will add to the burden on the nervous system.  Many extrovert Outliers do not seem to experience as much overload as introverts, but it still happens.

Some hints that your Outlier's nervous system is overwhelmed:
-Lashing out unreasonably
-Unexpected emotional outbursts
-General grouchiness
-Headaches
-Stomachaches
-A desire not to do pleasurable things (not meaning long term denial of pleasure)
-Communication changes (for example, a normal chatty Outlier suddenly talks in monosyllables)
-More time spent with headphones on or playing video games or in a book.
-Speaking more quietly (or loudly) than normal
-Off appetite or craving comfort foods.
-More obsessive or compulsive than normal for them.

Now, this does not excuse bad behaviour on anyone's part.  The Outlier has to be taught to manage their own overstimulation, just as anyone else has to.  Being overstimulated is not an excuse for an Outlier adult or child to be a jerk to others.  It is just as easy to say "I need a moment" as it is to have a tantrum.

However, young Outliers might not understand what is going on and parents can help them learn to recognize "too much".  Parents can also help Outliers learn how to stretch their tolerance:  overstimulation is not deadly or injurious, just uncomfortable.  Sometimes you just can't leave a situation because you want to.  Sometimes you just have to use internal calming techniques to manage.

The recharge period varies.  It could just be the length of time it takes to use the restroom to an entire day of rest.  We at TCG encourage one rest day (deliberate rest, no work, no catch up).  This day is used to physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually recharge.  The key is deliberate rest, not just "procrastinating".  Declaring a day and a plan for that day helps frame the rest without guilt.  It also provides a framework for being able to actually rest, much like how a vacation day is more restful than a day when someone is on call but is not called in.

It is like a boxer catching his breath in the corner between rounds--a little time now will keep him going further later.

The Bible as a Biology Textbook

We have learned how the primal part of the brain (the amygdala) often overwhelms the rational part of the brain.

We have learned that we have the ability to change our chemistry by changing our thoughts.

Today we are going to learn that the Lord already knew this and actually provided this information in the Bible.  Yep.  The Bible is as much a biology/psychology textbook as it is a faith book.

The Bible says, in Philippians 4:8 8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

That sounds an awful lot like our "How to change our brain chemistry".

Additionally, just ahead of that in Philippians 4:6 we are given:  6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Now, here is where things get interesting.  The act of trust actually inhibits the amygdala.  Yep.  So when the Lord says "Trust Me", one of the things He is actually saying is "You will fear less because your trust in me will inhibit the erroneous activity that you have been cultivating in the amygdala.   I put that in you to keep you safe in a bear attack, not to freak out in the line at Walmart.".




The Lord knows how our brains work, even our Outlier ones.  He knows what we need to function at our best, and that is Him and His Word. 

No More Practice Bleeding Part 2

This is another problem with practice bleeding--it is just an imagination.  It is our worst fears.  We never imagine "My chest hurt and I thought it was a heart attack, but then I belched and felt better.  It was just gas."
Or

"We got into a car accident, but no one was hurt and the insurance company was fabulous"

Or

"Someone broke in and tripped over the lamp cord and conked themselves out.  When they came to, Max the Beagle barked and they were so scared that they peed themselves and ran away."

Now, sometimes bad things do happen.  Sometimes it really is a heart attack.  Sometimes it really is cancer.  Sometimes it really is a car accident with injuries.

A very wise man once said (paraphrasing) "The reason why it looks so scary when we picture the future is because we never picture God's grace in it.  He gives us grace for what we need today.  We don't need grace for what has not happened to us!"

We never imagine God's grace in the bad:
"I had a heart attack in the store and a guy gave me an aspirin right then and saved my life" (true story)

Or

"My mom was given 6 weeks to live, but a doctor happened by and thought she was a good candidate for a new treatment and she lived 12 more years" (true story)

Or

"There was a horrible car accident.  The truck flipped 8 times.  The whole truck was crushed.  But 'Bob' managed to crawl out with just a cut on his hand"  (true story)

Or

"We experienced two deaths back to back in our family, both moms.  It could have torn us apart as one death is tragic, but two deaths are mind boggling.  Instead, our family drew closer together and to God.  When the worst of life happens, sometimes that is where the best happens too.  Sometimes the sweetest fruit is born from the most vile manure" (true story).

Christians have available to them an additional tool in their arsenal against, well, everything.  That is the Lord in their lives.  As real and tangible a force as gravity, the Lord moves the spirit and the mind.  When the emotions are too strong for the logical mind, the Spirit filled spirit can come to the aid of the mind and support it.

If you are not a Christian, we would ask you to reconsider because you really are missing out on the best that life has to offer.  You can't imagine the world that opens up to you.  It is everything you wanted, honestly. 

Now, don't confuse "religion" with "faith".  Religion is all the man made stuff.  Faith is the actual entering into a whole nuther dimension of you and of life.  If you have questions, ask, we are happy to help.

No More Practice Bleeding

The military, firefighting, emergency management, police, and other front line organizations have "exercises".  These are "what if" imaginary scenarios of some sort of trauma or incident where the front liners will have to spring into action.  It could be a tornado, a terrorist attack, a train derailment, a battlefield.

In these scenarios, the folk are told what is happening and they are to act out what they would do.  For example, in the case of a mass casualty incident (maybe a roof collapse), the "players" would do their jobs, such as establishing a safe area, tending to wounded, contacting engineers, perform search and rescue, and buddy aid for their injured co-players.

They might be given an "inject" (the next step in the imaginary story of what happens) that a partial wall fell on 3 of their fellow players, injuring them.  Then everyone has to adjust and figure out what they need to do.  For example, they need to make sure it is safe to get those folk out.  They need to triage, stop bleeding, stabilize limbs, etc.

Here is what they are NEVER told during an inject:  "Inject number 23:  A partial wall has collapsed where Alpha Team was looking for survivors.  All three Alpha team members are hurt.  Everyone needs to just sit where they are and imagine the pain.  Let the shock and horror race through you.  Picture your limb crushed beneath cinderblock.  Taste the blood from where you got your lip busted.  Imagine your life fading from you in agony.  Imagine being stripped naked in the hospital as needle after needle after needle is placed everywhere.  Imagine how scared and terrified you are.  Picture the look on the face of your loved ones when they come in and you are barely recognizable.  Imagine that you have only 5 seconds left on earth.  How does that feel?"

Freaking.  No. 

That would be, truly, one of the worst ideas possible short of actually blowing up a building to practice with.  The players NEVER are told to just be inept and suffer.  These exercises are meant to train the brain to succeed, to do WELL automatically.  In these exercises, even a bad situation like this has an answer, has a series of steps to save the lives of Alpha Team, not just give up and cry.

But this is exactly what those with anxiety and panic disorder and OCD do.  Somewhere, deep inside, they always picture the worst.  They never picture success or strength or problem solving.  This is why your anxiety is bad.  It is merely practice bleeding.  It does not make you stronger.  In fact, when we think anxiety helps us "be ready" or "prevent bad things", it actually just builds an emotional tidal wave that will be released if, God forbid, something bad ever did happen.

If soldiers or police or firefighters or em's were told to focus on their emotions during incidents, they would be paralysed, unable to move or thing.  You can ACT (mind/spirit) or you can REACT (emotions), but you can't do both.  You can't freak out and problem solve at the same time.

So no more practice bleeding.  No more picturing your worst nightmares.  No more magical thinking of "If I just am afraid of this, it won't happen".  If a horrible scenario  pops into your head, you either need to boot it or "exercise" it.  Picture yourself victorious.  Picture yourself strong and capable.  Work. The. Problem.

You are an Outlier.  You can do this.

Done.

"Things changed for me when I realized I was less afraid of what I had developed panic attacks over than the panic attacks themselves.  I would rather face my fear than another panic attack.  I had panic-panic!"--an Outlier

There will hopefully come a time when you are tired of being afraid, tired of missing out.  Tired of losing your life while you try to save it from stuff that is ridiculous.

You will realize that whatever you thought might happen to you is actually less bad than what your life has become.

You will realize that you have to let go, to face fear, to ignore fear, to punch it in the gut...something.

When you realize you don't like your identity to be "anxiety" or "OCD".  You want to be an artist.  A musician.  A mom.  An Outlier who is known for his theoretical physics work, not his daily freak outs.  An author who can actually, you know, GO to book signings, not someone afraid to touch the mail.  You want to be the you you were supposed to be this whole damn time.

You want your life back and you are ready to do what needs to be done.

When you hit this point, rejoice!  This is your moment.  Yesterday was as bad as it will ever get and you will only go up from here if you keep this attitude.

You will stop being crippled and start being awesome.  We are here to help.  Just let us know what you need and we will do our best.

Loading The Emotional Dice of Anxiety

Generally the same threats that threaten us, threaten others.  Everyone with a heart (which is everyone) could have a heart attack.  Everyone who lives in a house could have a break in or a fire.

However, not everyone chooses to dwell on the possible.  Are they less safe than those who have developed an anxiety disorder about these things?  No.  You might think you are more safe if you never get into a car, but would you choose a fender bender where no one gets hurt or a horrible slip on a puddle in your bathroom where you strike your head and neck and are paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of your life?


This is our point:  anxious people load the dice of possibility according to their fear, not the likelihood of that fear actually happening.  You may be afraid of a car accident but not about climbing on a chair while you are cooped up at home.  However, it is actually more likely you will fall in your home (possibly causing severe injury) than you will get into a car accident.  You might not be afraid in your home.  But is that reasonable to be less afraid of a "more dangerous" place and to be more afraid of a "less dangerous" place?  No.  You just chose to focus on a fear which made it seem that that fear is  more likely to happen, when really it isn't.

(Technically it is not reasonable to be afraid of anything.  Aware, yes.  Prepared, yes.  Cowering away from it?  No.)

Now, here is something that anyone trying to emerge from anxiety encounters:  that often subconscious fear that the MINUTE they let their guard down, BAM!  Whatever they are afraid of will happen.  Let us just tell you that it does not work that way.

Just because you choose to not be afraid of something, that does not mean it will happen.  Just because you are afraid of something, that does not mean it will not happen.  This sense of fear is just of an imaginary likelihood, not a real one.

We need to understand this. If you are driving and are getting into an accident right now, first of all you know better than to drive and read, but secondly, your fear as your car skids into another is reasonable.

It is not reasonable, though, to have a fear of something that is not going on.  To anticipate pain or loss just wastes valuable time and brain space.  Your mind is too valuable to use it on foolishness, so start using your powerful mind to overcome your lizard brain.

One of your tools you can use is to look around you to what other people fear.  If people are not driving because there is an ice storm, that is reasonable.  If people are driving because it is a normal Tuesday afternoon, then that is also reasonable.  When you cannot depend on your own sense of what is reasonable, you often have to look at the actions of others.

Some pretty tough talk, yes.  We have found, though, that we have to be stern with the emotions but gentle with the spirit and to use the mind to focus the brain.  You know that your fear is unreasonable....we are not telling you anything new :)  And we are not condemning you for it.  But if there is one thing you can find here at TCG is honesty and straight talk.  We value you as a person too much to blow sunshine up your skirt.

Irrational Much?

Here is the thing about anxiety:  it is usually very generalized and encompasses many aspects of life.

A person might have a phobia--a very precise fear.  Anxiety, however, is a general sense of fear of living itself.  This fear can morph into panic disorder or OCD, or a phobia can morph into any of those.

The root of it all, though, is irrational fear.  No one wants to be in a car accident or have a house fire or have a break in or be bitten by a dog.  The normal person does not allow their "that would suck" to turn into a life altering "I can't live my life because of what if's"



The funny thing is that people who are scared of more than one thing are usually scared of all of those things happening at once.

Let's think about this:  is it reasonable to anticipate, to the point of crippling fear, a break in at 3 am....THEN a car accident at 10 am....THEN a sudden heart attack at 5 pm?  Why not throw "Possible meteor strike at about 2:30",  just to round out the day?

The point is this: these fears are unreasonable.  Yes, people have car accidents, break ins, and heart attacks (and we reckon even get conked on the head by a meteor).  But all people do not have those, in fact most don't.  And no one has all of those close together--might as well buy a lottery ticket.  So to flow from one fear to another is to anticipate all of those incidents happening all at the same time (or within quick succession).

Yes, those things are scary and might happen, but our logical mind can look around and say "I have taken every reasonable precaution and I can look at other people who are living their lives without this fear."

You might be afraid to do this.  You might think the SECOND you give up focusing on your fear is the VERY SECOND that a meteor carrying a fiery hound will land on your car as you back out of your garage giving you a heart attack.

That is not true.  That is "magical thinking" that Outliers with emotional and imaginational OE's are prone to.  It is the dregs, the filth, of your emotional and imaginational ability.  It is letting the canary go and keeping the poop caked cage liner (no, really).



Now, you know you are being unreasonable and irrational.  Your logical mind tells you that you are.  We know.  We know that you are struggling with this huge fear and also lambasting yourself for being so illogical when you are supposed to be so smart.  That's ok.  There is a way through all of this.  We just need to understand a little more about what is really wrong and what tools we have.

Fear Is Not A Law Of Physics

According to some research, humans are only born with two fears:  falling and loud noises.

Everything else after that is a learned fear.  What is learned can be unlearned.  The brain that is plastic enough to decide that life is something to be afraid of is also plastic enough to learn that life is not at all to be afraid of.

You don't have to obey fear, it is not a law of physics.

It is up to you.

Shifting the Imbalance

"A Chemical Imbalance"

One of the regrettable fallacies that circulates in anxiety discussion is that anxiety is a "chemical imbalance", and therefore out of the control of the anxious person.  However, that is false.

Yes, anxiety is a chemical imbalance.  However, it is a thought-driven chemical imbalance.  Just as the imbalanced blood sugar of a diabetic is influenced by how much sugar she eats, the imbalanced mental and physical chemicals of an anxious person is influenced by the thoughts her mind "eats", dwells upon.

While a diabetic can't really think his pancreas into greater work, any relatively sentient human being can change their own mental chemicals.  In fact, we do it all the time.  We want to be happy so we get ice cream and watch a comedy.  We want to feel energised and aggressive, so we watch an action flick.  We want to create so we listen to unusual music.  We want to relax so we go to the beach or the mountains.  Children suck their thumbs, adults make love, boxers play their psyching up playlist on their ipods....all behaviors we choose, on purpose, to adjust our chemicals.

Instinctively we know how to do this.

If we can choose to listen to a playlist or go to the beach or binge-watch The Three Stooges so that we can feel a certain way, in essence to change our chemicals, we can use this same technique on purpose to overcome anxiety.

Still doubtful?  We can prove it.  Think of someone you deeply love and feel tender toward.  It could be your favorite dog or your lover or your best friend.  Could be your mom or your child or a little baby chick, all yellow and fuzzy.  Close your eyes and picture this person or critter until your breath regulates and you feel like sighing.  Your heart is slowing a bit, your muscles relax a bit, and you feel a little rush of the "warm fuzzies".

You just changed the chemistry in your brain.   You just, through thought alone, stimulated your mind to something peaceful and sweet and released oxytocin and prolactin.  Just with a thought.

Wanna try again?

Ok, this time think of something that infuriates you.  Think of an injustice against children or a pain you are struggling with or someone who is acting like a jerk.  Picture that person laughing at you, maybe shoving you.  Get mean.  Get "mad dog mean".  Feel your heart race and your muscles start to tense.  Notice if you tilted your head down slightly and are furrowing your brow in a classic fighter nod to protect your eyes and intimidate your opponent. (or maybe you didn't go that far....but you would if you were confronting that person)

Not so much warm fuzzies now, eh?  You just made your body stop producing oxytocin and prolactin and told it, with just a thought, to produce testosterone, adrenaline, and cortisol.

Ok, take a deep breath and go back to the puppies and kittens thoughts so we don't leave you hanging with a bunch of extra anger coursing through your veins.  We'll wait......

You just did two seriously impressive things here that will change your life if you are an anxious person:  You chose to think two disparate thoughts on cue and your deliberately adjusted your brain chemistry.  You have the mental ability to change the chemical imbalance in your brain.  It is just going to take some practice.

(BTW, if you are not anxious yourself but know an anxious Outlier or a neurotypical type, you can demonstrate this very thing.  However, understand that people, even geniuses, are afraid to change.  They would rather be afraid than face their fear, though that does not make sense.  So if they balk, don't take it personally.)