Read a fb post regarding asynchronous Outlier kids (which is rather redundant, tbh).
Has there been any research comparing apples to apples--Outlier to Outlier? A hummingbird and a parrot are both birds but the parrot would be terribly asynchronous compared to a hummingbird. It is ridiculous to try to fit a parrot into a hummingbird mold.
Or, consider, if you will, comparing abdominal pain in a female to that of a
male. Yes, both human. Same digestive system. Then things get weird. "Ma'am, your testosterone levels seem to have asynchronous development compared to Bob here. And WHY do you have an upside down pear with deely boppers hanging from the top of it in your abdomen?".
Anyone with pull in research departments, get on this. The most obvious way to know if something is broken is to compare it to the same item, not 'kinda like but not really" items. Perhaps Outliers aren't broken. Perhaps they are not asynchronous. Perhaps they are exactly on time and developing exactly as they should be.
When we find Outliers who are not developing the same as other Outliers, then we will, hopefully, get enough data to identify Outliers who are at risk for various mental or emotional problems or are 2E or on the spectrum, etc.
Friday, July 15, 2016
Monday, June 6, 2016
The War On Girls
Well, here is a problem....
What is fair? That the boy who self
identifies as a girl gets to compete for girls' scholarships in an essentially
open field?
How about we just tell the girls
"Not only are you forced to expose yourself in front of boys and men and
have no say in the matter, but we are also going to take away any chance you
had to do well in your field because most men are physically stronger than most
women even as teens.
How about we also make it so your
only worth is in your boobs and face and how you can please and titillate boys
and men? How about we interrogate a girl who was sexually assaulted and had to
be rescued by two passerbys til she was dragged through the mud, then slap her
assailant on the wrist (6 months in county jail and probation) because making
him pay for the THREE FELONY COUNTS (for 30 years of sentence) that an actually
jury said he did would cause a "severe impact" to the "champion
swimmer". Yes, and lets post his race times in the news articles about the
assault because that is OH so pertinent to the fact that he sexually assaulted
an unconscious girl.
How about we call brilliant men
'absentminded professors' and call brilliant women 'ditzy'?
How about we call brooding or
emotional men who paint 'tortured artists' and call brooding or emotional women
who paint 'hysterical'? How about we ignore you when you are past your 'nubile'
stage, turn you absolutely invisible? Unless you have a mouth like a sailor,
then you get to be noticed again. Go watch a bunch of 7th graders play call of
duty so you can brush up on your cussing.
How about we pay you less and if you
are assertive (not a jerk, just calmly confident) we call you a b++++?
How about we test medications for
you only on males? How about when you have a doctor's appointment, you have to
bring your husband so the doctor does not automatically assume that you are
just emotional and a hypochondriac? Oh and your husband needs to come to your
daughter's appointments too for the same reason. Because it makes PERFECT sense
that science class (which she was acing easily and had no stress about) would
of COURSE cause an elevated platelet count.
Let's put "juicy" on their
bums and sell thongs for little girls...need to start getting them comfortable
exposing their body to every. single. pervert. In order to REALLY make it
stick, though, we have to make the moms ashamed of everything they do and how
they look so they can pass the insecurity down to their daughters. We can do
this by making models in magazines digitally altered and airbrushed so that men
and women think that is how real women look. Men will expect it and women can
starve themselves....more food for the men.
Let's just grow up our girls on virtual sex schools where they can learn to pleasure males and forget dreams. We can teach
them how to go from 14 to 21 in 20 minutes with make up. We will teach them how
to hide their intellect so they blend in. We will teach them that their only
worth is in facebook likes and turn a blind eye to cyber bullying.
And when any parent or girl tries to
stand up for herself, let's call them "patriarchal" and
"intolerant" and "prudish". We will shame the girls who
wear dresses (they should be wearing short shorts and tank tops so that men can
shop more easily). We will call parents who do not want their children dressing
in front of men "fanatics" and "homophobes", even though we
know that predators are gleeful with the new access to girls.
Let's just bail on girls altogether.
They obviously only have one purpose, one use, and male desires--from a male
who wants an easy way into a scholarship to an easy way to film naked underage
girls--take precedence and dominance.
Oh that’s right, we already have.
** Note, this is not against men--not at all. I am just as irritated with
the women who encourage this nonsense from the super liberal legislator to the
mom who thinks it's "cute" when her 5 year old daughter cusses. This
is against progressives and neanderthals alike who have set up these unintended
consequences, who feel without reason, who rage without cause, who demand
without thought. This is against society and what we all, you and I, tolerate.
This is against everyone, male and female, who fail to SEE, who fail to THINK.
who fail to TEACH.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Much Too Much
You know that feeling when you are really nauseated--perhaps carsick or from a stomach bug? You are just barely hanging on, trying to stay quiet and still so you don't throw up?
Or perhaps you have a migraine or are hungover and are just barely hanging on to your lunch and your sanity?
You know how every scent, sound, sight, touch is overwhelming and you just want to go somewhere cool and quiet and dark and still?
That is what it is like for an Outlier with OE's or an introvert who has been overstimulated, minus (sometimes) the nausea and pain.
Now imagine someone saying "Dude, stop being a baby. You aren't that sick. Just grab your bucket and come to the club!". Besides wanting to punch them square in the nose, you also are determined to not deal with people. You just want to recover in peace.
"Much Too Much"
Outliers are Outliers because their entire nervous system, from brain to tiny nerve in a toe, is attune to input and sensory data and works constantly, like a revving engine, to make and break and remake unique connections. This means that it is easy, particularly if tired or ill or run down, to overwhelm the nervous system. Just as how it is a lot more problem throwing a wrench into a gear that is going at 200rpm vs one going at 2rpm, one little "too much" (sight, sound, thought, movement, interaction) can send the Outlier into that "nauseated but not" feeling.
When the nervous system is overloaded, you just feel the need to escape, to go somewhere cool and quiet or warm and dark or whatever is most settling. It is like how scents don't cause stomach flu, but when you have it, a single whiff can put you over the edge from in control to hugging the bowl.
This is not just an emotional need to escape, it is actually a physical need as well to settle and reorganize the neurons and sensations. When your Outlier is overwhelmed or has been going all day and comes home and just needs a few minutes of quiet and alone, let him be. Suggest music, a book, a walk outside, a hug--something that will allow them to regroup. If your wife is an Outlier and has spent all day with children, she might need you suck up an hour with the kids (and chores--don't just plop in front of the tv and consider the fact that nothing was set on fire a win. Put the dishes in the dishwasher or take 10 min to sweep the floor. It is amazing how she will react to that to your favor) so she can get some quiet.
When the Outlier is an introvert, interactions with people, even via internet, will add to the burden on the nervous system. Many extrovert Outliers do not seem to experience as much overload as introverts, but it still happens.
Some hints that your Outlier's nervous system is overwhelmed:
-Lashing out unreasonably
-Unexpected emotional outbursts
-General grouchiness
-Headaches
-Stomachaches
-A desire not to do pleasurable things (not meaning long term denial of pleasure)
-Communication changes (for example, a normal chatty Outlier suddenly talks in monosyllables)
-More time spent with headphones on or playing video games or in a book.
-Speaking more quietly (or loudly) than normal
-Off appetite or craving comfort foods.
-More obsessive or compulsive than normal for them.
Now, this does not excuse bad behaviour on anyone's part. The Outlier has to be taught to manage their own overstimulation, just as anyone else has to. Being overstimulated is not an excuse for an Outlier adult or child to be a jerk to others. It is just as easy to say "I need a moment" as it is to have a tantrum.
However, young Outliers might not understand what is going on and parents can help them learn to recognize "too much". Parents can also help Outliers learn how to stretch their tolerance: overstimulation is not deadly or injurious, just uncomfortable. Sometimes you just can't leave a situation because you want to. Sometimes you just have to use internal calming techniques to manage.
The recharge period varies. It could just be the length of time it takes to use the restroom to an entire day of rest. We at TCG encourage one rest day (deliberate rest, no work, no catch up). This day is used to physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually recharge. The key is deliberate rest, not just "procrastinating". Declaring a day and a plan for that day helps frame the rest without guilt. It also provides a framework for being able to actually rest, much like how a vacation day is more restful than a day when someone is on call but is not called in.
It is like a boxer catching his breath in the corner between rounds--a little time now will keep him going further later.
Or perhaps you have a migraine or are hungover and are just barely hanging on to your lunch and your sanity?
You know how every scent, sound, sight, touch is overwhelming and you just want to go somewhere cool and quiet and dark and still?
That is what it is like for an Outlier with OE's or an introvert who has been overstimulated, minus (sometimes) the nausea and pain.
Now imagine someone saying "Dude, stop being a baby. You aren't that sick. Just grab your bucket and come to the club!". Besides wanting to punch them square in the nose, you also are determined to not deal with people. You just want to recover in peace.
"Much Too Much"
Outliers are Outliers because their entire nervous system, from brain to tiny nerve in a toe, is attune to input and sensory data and works constantly, like a revving engine, to make and break and remake unique connections. This means that it is easy, particularly if tired or ill or run down, to overwhelm the nervous system. Just as how it is a lot more problem throwing a wrench into a gear that is going at 200rpm vs one going at 2rpm, one little "too much" (sight, sound, thought, movement, interaction) can send the Outlier into that "nauseated but not" feeling.
When the nervous system is overloaded, you just feel the need to escape, to go somewhere cool and quiet or warm and dark or whatever is most settling. It is like how scents don't cause stomach flu, but when you have it, a single whiff can put you over the edge from in control to hugging the bowl.
This is not just an emotional need to escape, it is actually a physical need as well to settle and reorganize the neurons and sensations. When your Outlier is overwhelmed or has been going all day and comes home and just needs a few minutes of quiet and alone, let him be. Suggest music, a book, a walk outside, a hug--something that will allow them to regroup. If your wife is an Outlier and has spent all day with children, she might need you suck up an hour with the kids (and chores--don't just plop in front of the tv and consider the fact that nothing was set on fire a win. Put the dishes in the dishwasher or take 10 min to sweep the floor. It is amazing how she will react to that to your favor) so she can get some quiet.
When the Outlier is an introvert, interactions with people, even via internet, will add to the burden on the nervous system. Many extrovert Outliers do not seem to experience as much overload as introverts, but it still happens.
Some hints that your Outlier's nervous system is overwhelmed:
-Lashing out unreasonably
-Unexpected emotional outbursts
-General grouchiness
-Headaches
-Stomachaches
-A desire not to do pleasurable things (not meaning long term denial of pleasure)
-Communication changes (for example, a normal chatty Outlier suddenly talks in monosyllables)
-More time spent with headphones on or playing video games or in a book.
-Speaking more quietly (or loudly) than normal
-Off appetite or craving comfort foods.
-More obsessive or compulsive than normal for them.
Now, this does not excuse bad behaviour on anyone's part. The Outlier has to be taught to manage their own overstimulation, just as anyone else has to. Being overstimulated is not an excuse for an Outlier adult or child to be a jerk to others. It is just as easy to say "I need a moment" as it is to have a tantrum.
However, young Outliers might not understand what is going on and parents can help them learn to recognize "too much". Parents can also help Outliers learn how to stretch their tolerance: overstimulation is not deadly or injurious, just uncomfortable. Sometimes you just can't leave a situation because you want to. Sometimes you just have to use internal calming techniques to manage.
The recharge period varies. It could just be the length of time it takes to use the restroom to an entire day of rest. We at TCG encourage one rest day (deliberate rest, no work, no catch up). This day is used to physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually recharge. The key is deliberate rest, not just "procrastinating". Declaring a day and a plan for that day helps frame the rest without guilt. It also provides a framework for being able to actually rest, much like how a vacation day is more restful than a day when someone is on call but is not called in.
It is like a boxer catching his breath in the corner between rounds--a little time now will keep him going further later.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Edison's Mom--A Champion
There is a heart-wrenching meme going around about Thomas Edison and his mom. According to the meme, the boy was sent home with a letter addressed specifically to his mom. She read it and with deep emotion told the boy that the school says that he is too smart for them, that they are too small to serve him and suggests that she school him at home.
Time passes, mom dies, and a now accomplished Edison finds the letter in her desk. It actually said that he was "addled" and please do not send him to school anymore. Overcome by emotion that his mother saw potential in him that the school didn't, he weeps for her.
The problem is that it is not true. As sweet as this story is, the REAL story is better and is an encouragement to gifted kid moms and dads. Mrs, Edison was not an emotional weeping mom who lies to her child, albeit for good intentions, that the story portrays. Actually she is an iron fist in a velvet glove: the mom knew that the school, particularly one instructor, was being a jerk. She tried to work within the system, but when the school wouldn't budge, she took matters into her own hands, bucked the system, and educated him herself. Story Here
Isn't that a better example for gifted moms AND one that is more realistic to what moms of gifted kids go through? You plow and fight tooth and nail against establishments and arrogance and ignorance. Finally, you have had enough niceness and go up the chain to the district or switch schools, or homeschool because you are a determined, intelligent woman who is not going to let adult bullies push you and your child around. YOU, moms, take control of your child's education, rejecting the easy route, and are your child's guardian, protector, champion, and instructor.
Now, this is not to belittle those who love the fake version of the story--everyone loves a good tear jerker. I would just offer, respectfully, that a)truth is important at all costs and b)the truth here is a much better example of the common plight of the gifted child in educational settings that are inadequate.
Time passes, mom dies, and a now accomplished Edison finds the letter in her desk. It actually said that he was "addled" and please do not send him to school anymore. Overcome by emotion that his mother saw potential in him that the school didn't, he weeps for her.
The problem is that it is not true. As sweet as this story is, the REAL story is better and is an encouragement to gifted kid moms and dads. Mrs, Edison was not an emotional weeping mom who lies to her child, albeit for good intentions, that the story portrays. Actually she is an iron fist in a velvet glove: the mom knew that the school, particularly one instructor, was being a jerk. She tried to work within the system, but when the school wouldn't budge, she took matters into her own hands, bucked the system, and educated him herself. Story Here
Isn't that a better example for gifted moms AND one that is more realistic to what moms of gifted kids go through? You plow and fight tooth and nail against establishments and arrogance and ignorance. Finally, you have had enough niceness and go up the chain to the district or switch schools, or homeschool because you are a determined, intelligent woman who is not going to let adult bullies push you and your child around. YOU, moms, take control of your child's education, rejecting the easy route, and are your child's guardian, protector, champion, and instructor.
Now, this is not to belittle those who love the fake version of the story--everyone loves a good tear jerker. I would just offer, respectfully, that a)truth is important at all costs and b)the truth here is a much better example of the common plight of the gifted child in educational settings that are inadequate.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
The 4th Wall
In television, the camera location is often considered the 4th wall. Sets usually have 3 walls and the camera would be on the 4th wall. If a character addresses the audience, he is breaking the "4th wall".
The human has four "walls" as well: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
Now, many folk only acknowledge the walls they can "see"--body, emotions, thought. However, they are missing the vital 4th wall--the spirit.
This morning I saw a reply to an FB page that said that religion is fake, basically. It got me thinking about how to know that the spirit of man exists. The Holy Spirit (the One who should know) simply flashed a situation in my mind of when there were three potential reactions that were battling in my mind during a crappy situation.
One of them was my cognitive process--my reason. It justified my anger--any reasonable person would have been. The next was my emotional reaction--it was MAD and wanted to jerk a knot in someone's tail. The third was my spirit which, in a clear, calm manner, reminded me of the best course of action, which was completely against what my mind and heart wanted. It was a dissenting voice.
Now, someone might say that that was just a memorized pattern of "living right". However, just as someone knows the difference between an emotional reaction and a thought or a physical reaction and an emotional reaction, or between the left foot and the right foot, this was from within me and was not an auxiliary memory or cognition. It was not my "will" (my emotions) or my reason, but was still a part of me. There is a huge difference between "Gah, fine. I have been taught to be nice" vs the part of me that dissented from my normal humanity and spoke clearly.
Here is the thing...if the spirit did not exist, then religions would not exist, at least to this extent. It is not reasonable at all that so many millions of people throughout the ages all were afflicted with some sort of mild psychosis that just so happened to occur in disparate folk in disparate areas. Do not let the scornful or afraid convince you that this was a normal reaction to seeing the moon because it isn't. It would require too much creativity that also happened to manifest the EXACT same way in a group of people.
Plus, religion causes the body and mind to go against instincts. The primitive cultures thrived on the instinctual. It saved their bodies from danger. To develop a religion that overrode instinct that they breathed every day requires something more than creativity. No matter how fabulous a superhero I create in my head, I am still not going to jump off a building to test if I can fly.
The facts and observations are clear that there is something besides reason, instinct (body), and emotion going on in people. Some people turn to Christ, some to trees as in the druids, some to allah, some to The Great Spirit....whatever name they put on it, there is something playing on a part of them that is not explained by thought or delusion.
Now, if we acknowledge that there is a spiritual aspect of a person, and we must, then it is a simple question of what to do with that. When we know we have a brain, we think and learn. When we know we have emotions, we love and hate. When we know we have a body, we eat and sleep. When we know we have a spirit, we worship and pray.
Someone might say "Well what about the people who claim not to have any spiritual side?" Honestly, if you dig deeper into their thoughts, you will often find that they mistake spiritual action for cognitive action (in fact, one might often hear them speak of "conscience" or "moral code").
Usually, though, the reason they are balking is because of the "Anything But God" effect. You find this most in intellectuals, especially scientists. Their loud calls and derision of "Anything but God" actually betrays them. No one ever says "Anything But Santa!" or "Anything But the Tooth Fairy!". No one is threatened by the idea of a tooth fairy. Even if millions of people started "believing" in the tooth fairy, those Anything But God intellectuals would not bat an eye because they are not threatened by the idea of something they KNOW is false.
The spirit of man is the 4th wall. Without getting mystical, it is a different part of man than heart or mind or body. In fact, the spiritual part can cause a person to override his desires and instincts for self protection and even what seems "reasonable" (like turning the other cheek instead of raising your other fist). It is active and grows more active with use. It can be influenced by good or bad spiritual input, just as the mind, the body, and the emotions can be.
We would offer that it is vital for the Outlier (and everyone else) to not neglect their 4th wall. It's presence is manifest, but easy to ignore. It is also vital not to allow oneself to be influenced by those who are acting in fear or scorn or ignorance about the facets of their own existence.
The human has four "walls" as well: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
Now, many folk only acknowledge the walls they can "see"--body, emotions, thought. However, they are missing the vital 4th wall--the spirit.
This morning I saw a reply to an FB page that said that religion is fake, basically. It got me thinking about how to know that the spirit of man exists. The Holy Spirit (the One who should know) simply flashed a situation in my mind of when there were three potential reactions that were battling in my mind during a crappy situation.
One of them was my cognitive process--my reason. It justified my anger--any reasonable person would have been. The next was my emotional reaction--it was MAD and wanted to jerk a knot in someone's tail. The third was my spirit which, in a clear, calm manner, reminded me of the best course of action, which was completely against what my mind and heart wanted. It was a dissenting voice.
Now, someone might say that that was just a memorized pattern of "living right". However, just as someone knows the difference between an emotional reaction and a thought or a physical reaction and an emotional reaction, or between the left foot and the right foot, this was from within me and was not an auxiliary memory or cognition. It was not my "will" (my emotions) or my reason, but was still a part of me. There is a huge difference between "Gah, fine. I have been taught to be nice" vs the part of me that dissented from my normal humanity and spoke clearly.
Here is the thing...if the spirit did not exist, then religions would not exist, at least to this extent. It is not reasonable at all that so many millions of people throughout the ages all were afflicted with some sort of mild psychosis that just so happened to occur in disparate folk in disparate areas. Do not let the scornful or afraid convince you that this was a normal reaction to seeing the moon because it isn't. It would require too much creativity that also happened to manifest the EXACT same way in a group of people.
Plus, religion causes the body and mind to go against instincts. The primitive cultures thrived on the instinctual. It saved their bodies from danger. To develop a religion that overrode instinct that they breathed every day requires something more than creativity. No matter how fabulous a superhero I create in my head, I am still not going to jump off a building to test if I can fly.
The facts and observations are clear that there is something besides reason, instinct (body), and emotion going on in people. Some people turn to Christ, some to trees as in the druids, some to allah, some to The Great Spirit....whatever name they put on it, there is something playing on a part of them that is not explained by thought or delusion.
Now, if we acknowledge that there is a spiritual aspect of a person, and we must, then it is a simple question of what to do with that. When we know we have a brain, we think and learn. When we know we have emotions, we love and hate. When we know we have a body, we eat and sleep. When we know we have a spirit, we worship and pray.
Someone might say "Well what about the people who claim not to have any spiritual side?" Honestly, if you dig deeper into their thoughts, you will often find that they mistake spiritual action for cognitive action (in fact, one might often hear them speak of "conscience" or "moral code").
Usually, though, the reason they are balking is because of the "Anything But God" effect. You find this most in intellectuals, especially scientists. Their loud calls and derision of "Anything but God" actually betrays them. No one ever says "Anything But Santa!" or "Anything But the Tooth Fairy!". No one is threatened by the idea of a tooth fairy. Even if millions of people started "believing" in the tooth fairy, those Anything But God intellectuals would not bat an eye because they are not threatened by the idea of something they KNOW is false.
The spirit of man is the 4th wall. Without getting mystical, it is a different part of man than heart or mind or body. In fact, the spiritual part can cause a person to override his desires and instincts for self protection and even what seems "reasonable" (like turning the other cheek instead of raising your other fist). It is active and grows more active with use. It can be influenced by good or bad spiritual input, just as the mind, the body, and the emotions can be.
We would offer that it is vital for the Outlier (and everyone else) to not neglect their 4th wall. It's presence is manifest, but easy to ignore. It is also vital not to allow oneself to be influenced by those who are acting in fear or scorn or ignorance about the facets of their own existence.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
The Bible as a Biology Textbook
We have learned how the primal part of the brain (the amygdala) often overwhelms the rational part of the brain.
We have learned that we have the ability to change our chemistry by changing our thoughts.
Today we are going to learn that the Lord already knew this and actually provided this information in the Bible. Yep. The Bible is as much a biology/psychology textbook as it is a faith book.
The Bible says, in Philippians 4:8 8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
That sounds an awful lot like our "How to change our brain chemistry".
Additionally, just ahead of that in Philippians 4:6 we are given: 6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Now, here is where things get interesting. The act of trust actually inhibits the amygdala. Yep. So when the Lord says "Trust Me", one of the things He is actually saying is "You will fear less because your trust in me will inhibit the erroneous activity that you have been cultivating in the amygdala. I put that in you to keep you safe in a bear attack, not to freak out in the line at Walmart.".
The Lord knows how our brains work, even our Outlier ones. He knows what we need to function at our best, and that is Him and His Word.
We have learned that we have the ability to change our chemistry by changing our thoughts.
Today we are going to learn that the Lord already knew this and actually provided this information in the Bible. Yep. The Bible is as much a biology/psychology textbook as it is a faith book.
The Bible says, in Philippians 4:8 8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
That sounds an awful lot like our "How to change our brain chemistry".
Additionally, just ahead of that in Philippians 4:6 we are given: 6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Now, here is where things get interesting. The act of trust actually inhibits the amygdala. Yep. So when the Lord says "Trust Me", one of the things He is actually saying is "You will fear less because your trust in me will inhibit the erroneous activity that you have been cultivating in the amygdala. I put that in you to keep you safe in a bear attack, not to freak out in the line at Walmart.".
The Lord knows how our brains work, even our Outlier ones. He knows what we need to function at our best, and that is Him and His Word.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
No More Practice Bleeding Part 2
This is another problem with practice bleeding--it is just an imagination. It is our worst fears. We never imagine "My chest hurt and I thought it was a heart attack, but then I belched and felt better. It was just gas."
Or
"We got into a car accident, but no one was hurt and the insurance company was fabulous"
Or
"Someone broke in and tripped over the lamp cord and conked themselves out. When they came to, Max the Beagle barked and they were so scared that they peed themselves and ran away."
Now, sometimes bad things do happen. Sometimes it really is a heart attack. Sometimes it really is cancer. Sometimes it really is a car accident with injuries.
A very wise man once said (paraphrasing) "The reason why it looks so scary when we picture the future is because we never picture God's grace in it. He gives us grace for what we need today. We don't need grace for what has not happened to us!"
We never imagine God's grace in the bad:
"I had a heart attack in the store and a guy gave me an aspirin right then and saved my life" (true story)
Or
"My mom was given 6 weeks to live, but a doctor happened by and thought she was a good candidate for a new treatment and she lived 12 more years" (true story)
Or
"There was a horrible car accident. The truck flipped 8 times. The whole truck was crushed. But 'Bob' managed to crawl out with just a cut on his hand" (true story)
Or
"We experienced two deaths back to back in our family, both moms. It could have torn us apart as one death is tragic, but two deaths are mind boggling. Instead, our family drew closer together and to God. When the worst of life happens, sometimes that is where the best happens too. Sometimes the sweetest fruit is born from the most vile manure" (true story).
Christians have available to them an additional tool in their arsenal against, well, everything. That is the Lord in their lives. As real and tangible a force as gravity, the Lord moves the spirit and the mind. When the emotions are too strong for the logical mind, the Spirit filled spirit can come to the aid of the mind and support it.
If you are not a Christian, we would ask you to reconsider because you really are missing out on the best that life has to offer. You can't imagine the world that opens up to you. It is everything you wanted, honestly.
Now, don't confuse "religion" with "faith". Religion is all the man made stuff. Faith is the actual entering into a whole nuther dimension of you and of life. If you have questions, ask, we are happy to help.
Or
"We got into a car accident, but no one was hurt and the insurance company was fabulous"
Or
"Someone broke in and tripped over the lamp cord and conked themselves out. When they came to, Max the Beagle barked and they were so scared that they peed themselves and ran away."
Now, sometimes bad things do happen. Sometimes it really is a heart attack. Sometimes it really is cancer. Sometimes it really is a car accident with injuries.
A very wise man once said (paraphrasing) "The reason why it looks so scary when we picture the future is because we never picture God's grace in it. He gives us grace for what we need today. We don't need grace for what has not happened to us!"
We never imagine God's grace in the bad:
"I had a heart attack in the store and a guy gave me an aspirin right then and saved my life" (true story)
Or
"My mom was given 6 weeks to live, but a doctor happened by and thought she was a good candidate for a new treatment and she lived 12 more years" (true story)
Or
"There was a horrible car accident. The truck flipped 8 times. The whole truck was crushed. But 'Bob' managed to crawl out with just a cut on his hand" (true story)
Or
"We experienced two deaths back to back in our family, both moms. It could have torn us apart as one death is tragic, but two deaths are mind boggling. Instead, our family drew closer together and to God. When the worst of life happens, sometimes that is where the best happens too. Sometimes the sweetest fruit is born from the most vile manure" (true story).
Christians have available to them an additional tool in their arsenal against, well, everything. That is the Lord in their lives. As real and tangible a force as gravity, the Lord moves the spirit and the mind. When the emotions are too strong for the logical mind, the Spirit filled spirit can come to the aid of the mind and support it.
If you are not a Christian, we would ask you to reconsider because you really are missing out on the best that life has to offer. You can't imagine the world that opens up to you. It is everything you wanted, honestly.
Now, don't confuse "religion" with "faith". Religion is all the man made stuff. Faith is the actual entering into a whole nuther dimension of you and of life. If you have questions, ask, we are happy to help.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
No More Practice Bleeding
The military, firefighting, emergency management, police, and other front line organizations have "exercises". These are "what if" imaginary scenarios of some sort of trauma or incident where the front liners will have to spring into action. It could be a tornado, a terrorist attack, a train derailment, a battlefield.
In these scenarios, the folk are told what is happening and they are to act out what they would do. For example, in the case of a mass casualty incident (maybe a roof collapse), the "players" would do their jobs, such as establishing a safe area, tending to wounded, contacting engineers, perform search and rescue, and buddy aid for their injured co-players.
They might be given an "inject" (the next step in the imaginary story of what happens) that a partial wall fell on 3 of their fellow players, injuring them. Then everyone has to adjust and figure out what they need to do. For example, they need to make sure it is safe to get those folk out. They need to triage, stop bleeding, stabilize limbs, etc.
Here is what they are NEVER told during an inject: "Inject number 23: A partial wall has collapsed where Alpha Team was looking for survivors. All three Alpha team members are hurt. Everyone needs to just sit where they are and imagine the pain. Let the shock and horror race through you. Picture your limb crushed beneath cinderblock. Taste the blood from where you got your lip busted. Imagine your life fading from you in agony. Imagine being stripped naked in the hospital as needle after needle after needle is placed everywhere. Imagine how scared and terrified you are. Picture the look on the face of your loved ones when they come in and you are barely recognizable. Imagine that you have only 5 seconds left on earth. How does that feel?"
Freaking. No.
That would be, truly, one of the worst ideas possible short of actually blowing up a building to practice with. The players NEVER are told to just be inept and suffer. These exercises are meant to train the brain to succeed, to do WELL automatically. In these exercises, even a bad situation like this has an answer, has a series of steps to save the lives of Alpha Team, not just give up and cry.
But this is exactly what those with anxiety and panic disorder and OCD do. Somewhere, deep inside, they always picture the worst. They never picture success or strength or problem solving. This is why your anxiety is bad. It is merely practice bleeding. It does not make you stronger. In fact, when we think anxiety helps us "be ready" or "prevent bad things", it actually just builds an emotional tidal wave that will be released if, God forbid, something bad ever did happen.
If soldiers or police or firefighters or em's were told to focus on their emotions during incidents, they would be paralysed, unable to move or thing. You can ACT (mind/spirit) or you can REACT (emotions), but you can't do both. You can't freak out and problem solve at the same time.
So no more practice bleeding. No more picturing your worst nightmares. No more magical thinking of "If I just am afraid of this, it won't happen". If a horrible scenario pops into your head, you either need to boot it or "exercise" it. Picture yourself victorious. Picture yourself strong and capable. Work. The. Problem.
You are an Outlier. You can do this.
In these scenarios, the folk are told what is happening and they are to act out what they would do. For example, in the case of a mass casualty incident (maybe a roof collapse), the "players" would do their jobs, such as establishing a safe area, tending to wounded, contacting engineers, perform search and rescue, and buddy aid for their injured co-players.
They might be given an "inject" (the next step in the imaginary story of what happens) that a partial wall fell on 3 of their fellow players, injuring them. Then everyone has to adjust and figure out what they need to do. For example, they need to make sure it is safe to get those folk out. They need to triage, stop bleeding, stabilize limbs, etc.
Here is what they are NEVER told during an inject: "Inject number 23: A partial wall has collapsed where Alpha Team was looking for survivors. All three Alpha team members are hurt. Everyone needs to just sit where they are and imagine the pain. Let the shock and horror race through you. Picture your limb crushed beneath cinderblock. Taste the blood from where you got your lip busted. Imagine your life fading from you in agony. Imagine being stripped naked in the hospital as needle after needle after needle is placed everywhere. Imagine how scared and terrified you are. Picture the look on the face of your loved ones when they come in and you are barely recognizable. Imagine that you have only 5 seconds left on earth. How does that feel?"
Freaking. No.
That would be, truly, one of the worst ideas possible short of actually blowing up a building to practice with. The players NEVER are told to just be inept and suffer. These exercises are meant to train the brain to succeed, to do WELL automatically. In these exercises, even a bad situation like this has an answer, has a series of steps to save the lives of Alpha Team, not just give up and cry.
But this is exactly what those with anxiety and panic disorder and OCD do. Somewhere, deep inside, they always picture the worst. They never picture success or strength or problem solving. This is why your anxiety is bad. It is merely practice bleeding. It does not make you stronger. In fact, when we think anxiety helps us "be ready" or "prevent bad things", it actually just builds an emotional tidal wave that will be released if, God forbid, something bad ever did happen.
If soldiers or police or firefighters or em's were told to focus on their emotions during incidents, they would be paralysed, unable to move or thing. You can ACT (mind/spirit) or you can REACT (emotions), but you can't do both. You can't freak out and problem solve at the same time.
So no more practice bleeding. No more picturing your worst nightmares. No more magical thinking of "If I just am afraid of this, it won't happen". If a horrible scenario pops into your head, you either need to boot it or "exercise" it. Picture yourself victorious. Picture yourself strong and capable. Work. The. Problem.
You are an Outlier. You can do this.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Done.
"Things changed for me when I realized I was less afraid of what I had developed panic attacks over than the panic attacks themselves. I would rather face my fear than another panic attack. I had panic-panic!"--an Outlier
There will hopefully come a time when you are tired of being afraid, tired of missing out. Tired of losing your life while you try to save it from stuff that is ridiculous.
You will realize that whatever you thought might happen to you is actually less bad than what your life has become.
You will realize that you have to let go, to face fear, to ignore fear, to punch it in the gut...something.
When you realize you don't like your identity to be "anxiety" or "OCD". You want to be an artist. A musician. A mom. An Outlier who is known for his theoretical physics work, not his daily freak outs. An author who can actually, you know, GO to book signings, not someone afraid to touch the mail. You want to be the you you were supposed to be this whole damn time.
You want your life back and you are ready to do what needs to be done.
When you hit this point, rejoice! This is your moment. Yesterday was as bad as it will ever get and you will only go up from here if you keep this attitude.
You will stop being crippled and start being awesome. We are here to help. Just let us know what you need and we will do our best.
There will hopefully come a time when you are tired of being afraid, tired of missing out. Tired of losing your life while you try to save it from stuff that is ridiculous.
You will realize that whatever you thought might happen to you is actually less bad than what your life has become.
You will realize that you have to let go, to face fear, to ignore fear, to punch it in the gut...something.
When you realize you don't like your identity to be "anxiety" or "OCD". You want to be an artist. A musician. A mom. An Outlier who is known for his theoretical physics work, not his daily freak outs. An author who can actually, you know, GO to book signings, not someone afraid to touch the mail. You want to be the you you were supposed to be this whole damn time.
You want your life back and you are ready to do what needs to be done.
When you hit this point, rejoice! This is your moment. Yesterday was as bad as it will ever get and you will only go up from here if you keep this attitude.
You will stop being crippled and start being awesome. We are here to help. Just let us know what you need and we will do our best.
Friday, March 18, 2016
In Whole or In Part--The Reading Genius pt 2
In the first part of this, we discussed a bit of auditory-sequential and visual-spatial types and phonics vs whole word learning.
One of the problems that AS folk (which most teachers are) have understanding how VS minds work, particularly with "whole word" is the idea that a child will have to learn every. single. word. individually. Let's take a closer look.
"Whole Word" is a bit of a misnomer. Yes, words are learned (actually are often remembered as "snapshots"--the actual shape of the word) as wholes.
However, it does not stop there with each word placed in its own little box. VS learners do learn parts, just AFTER they know the whole. So when a child sees the pattern of "a, followed by ck is usually a short sound 'ack'", they can use that in other words they come across.
It is sort of like being able to better remember how to get somewhere in a town you are familiar with. If I set you in a new town and just gave you directions, one at a time ("Turn left at the light. Go a quarter mile. Take the 4th right"), it will not be as easy as if you knew the town. If you know the town, the "whole", you can place the instructions on what you know, even if you do not know every street ("OHHH, ok, so I turn left at the McDonalds where I take the kids. Then I drive down Elm street til I get to the bank corner. Then I take the 4th right which...oh! That's just one block over from the bookstore. I know where I am now.").
Another analogy ('y'all know I love analogies): when guys (and gals) learn cars, they start with whole "car". Then they learn types of cars (trucks, sports cars, sedans). Then they narrow each sports car into smaller details (type of door, type of engine, amount of torque). Then they narrow and narrow and narrow.
They don't start with a single lugnut. Then add more lugnuts. Then add a rim, then add another rim. Then another two. Then tires. Then suspension, etc, etc, etc, until they say "Oh, Gotcha. It's a 2007 Shelby GT500".
(We would offer that perhaps the education system might look more closely at natural learning and see if we are going a bit astray learning small to large so often.)
If you are teaching kids to read and they do not seem to be able to deal with the slowness of sounding out individual letters or if they get to the end of "cccc aaaa ttttt" and they are totally lost ("What word is that?" "I don't know....bit?") then you might be trying to force a VS mind to learn AS ways, like teaching a fish to ride a bicycle.
Regrettably almost all school is taught to the majority, which is auditory sequentially. This leaves our VS kids a bit at a loss. It is just as wrong to teach a VS kid to learn AS ways as it is to force a left handed person to go righty. We need to recognize the way the Lord created the mind and facilitate the learning, not force a square peg into a round hole.
One of the problems that AS folk (which most teachers are) have understanding how VS minds work, particularly with "whole word" is the idea that a child will have to learn every. single. word. individually. Let's take a closer look.
"Whole Word" is a bit of a misnomer. Yes, words are learned (actually are often remembered as "snapshots"--the actual shape of the word) as wholes.
However, it does not stop there with each word placed in its own little box. VS learners do learn parts, just AFTER they know the whole. So when a child sees the pattern of "a, followed by ck is usually a short sound 'ack'", they can use that in other words they come across.
It is sort of like being able to better remember how to get somewhere in a town you are familiar with. If I set you in a new town and just gave you directions, one at a time ("Turn left at the light. Go a quarter mile. Take the 4th right"), it will not be as easy as if you knew the town. If you know the town, the "whole", you can place the instructions on what you know, even if you do not know every street ("OHHH, ok, so I turn left at the McDonalds where I take the kids. Then I drive down Elm street til I get to the bank corner. Then I take the 4th right which...oh! That's just one block over from the bookstore. I know where I am now.").
Another analogy ('y'all know I love analogies): when guys (and gals) learn cars, they start with whole "car". Then they learn types of cars (trucks, sports cars, sedans). Then they narrow each sports car into smaller details (type of door, type of engine, amount of torque). Then they narrow and narrow and narrow.
They don't start with a single lugnut. Then add more lugnuts. Then add a rim, then add another rim. Then another two. Then tires. Then suspension, etc, etc, etc, until they say "Oh, Gotcha. It's a 2007 Shelby GT500".
(We would offer that perhaps the education system might look more closely at natural learning and see if we are going a bit astray learning small to large so often.)
If you are teaching kids to read and they do not seem to be able to deal with the slowness of sounding out individual letters or if they get to the end of "cccc aaaa ttttt" and they are totally lost ("What word is that?" "I don't know....bit?") then you might be trying to force a VS mind to learn AS ways, like teaching a fish to ride a bicycle.
Regrettably almost all school is taught to the majority, which is auditory sequentially. This leaves our VS kids a bit at a loss. It is just as wrong to teach a VS kid to learn AS ways as it is to force a left handed person to go righty. We need to recognize the way the Lord created the mind and facilitate the learning, not force a square peg into a round hole.
In Whole Or In Part--The Reading Genius pt 1
There is a lot of discussion in educational circles about the benefits of phonics vs whole word learning.
Back in the day, whole word was the norm. People learned words-as-a-whole instead of first learning parts of words and sounds and building up to words.
Here is an excellent article from an educator who saw the evolution from whole word to phonics then, with her own child, found whole word to be best.
Go ahead and read it. We'll wait......
Ok, now either that article made sense to you OR it was hard to wrap your mind around. If you are a visual/spatial person who learns the whole, then breaks down into parts, this made sense. If you are an auditory/sequential person, you like to build up from parts to a whole and you might have trouble understanding how someone can learn best from looking at the whole, then breaking down.
Here is a "sort of fits" analogy that might help.
VS brains work like doing a jigsaw puzzle. When people get a jigsaw puzzle out, they look at the picture (the whole), then may organize the puzzle pieces by color blocking them (blue bird here, red flower there, edge pieces). Then they start breaking the pieces that make a red flower into shades of red (the underside of the flower is a darker red and the upper part is a lighter red). Then they break down into shapes. They know what the end result is supposed to be, the whole, and break down from there.
AS folk are a little more like lego instructions. Yes, they know they are building a spaceship, but even if they don't, it doesn't matter. Lego instructions are very precise and start with, say, getting 5 specific pieces out. Then you put those together IN SPECIFIC ORDER. Then you get another five pieces out. Then you put those together in specific order and connect them to the first 5. Slowly you build from a single blue x2 block to an airplane. You don't actually have to know what you are building because the brain is fine with step 1, step 2, and eventually ending up at an airplane.
The VS brains, though, need the whole because they work spatially, not sequentially.
Parenthetically, this might be why some kids struggle in algebra and other maths where there is not a goal, a whole to break down from. Most elementary and almost all high school math (except perhaps geometry) never tell you where you are going, what you are trying to achieve. I believe it would be most useful for the VS learner to start at the higher, more abstract math and break it down into its components.
Either way, phonics is very much "one piece, then two piece" where whole word is "whole then part". Some brains just REALLY do better with one than the other. Those who do not understand how someone can learn to read "whole word" have to understand that the same bewilderment or doubt you feel for that way of understanding is the same that VS folk feel about phonics. It is random pieces of information that are unrelated.
More on that in the next post....
Back in the day, whole word was the norm. People learned words-as-a-whole instead of first learning parts of words and sounds and building up to words.
Here is an excellent article from an educator who saw the evolution from whole word to phonics then, with her own child, found whole word to be best.
Go ahead and read it. We'll wait......
Ok, now either that article made sense to you OR it was hard to wrap your mind around. If you are a visual/spatial person who learns the whole, then breaks down into parts, this made sense. If you are an auditory/sequential person, you like to build up from parts to a whole and you might have trouble understanding how someone can learn best from looking at the whole, then breaking down.
Here is a "sort of fits" analogy that might help.
VS brains work like doing a jigsaw puzzle. When people get a jigsaw puzzle out, they look at the picture (the whole), then may organize the puzzle pieces by color blocking them (blue bird here, red flower there, edge pieces). Then they start breaking the pieces that make a red flower into shades of red (the underside of the flower is a darker red and the upper part is a lighter red). Then they break down into shapes. They know what the end result is supposed to be, the whole, and break down from there.
AS folk are a little more like lego instructions. Yes, they know they are building a spaceship, but even if they don't, it doesn't matter. Lego instructions are very precise and start with, say, getting 5 specific pieces out. Then you put those together IN SPECIFIC ORDER. Then you get another five pieces out. Then you put those together in specific order and connect them to the first 5. Slowly you build from a single blue x2 block to an airplane. You don't actually have to know what you are building because the brain is fine with step 1, step 2, and eventually ending up at an airplane.
The VS brains, though, need the whole because they work spatially, not sequentially.
Parenthetically, this might be why some kids struggle in algebra and other maths where there is not a goal, a whole to break down from. Most elementary and almost all high school math (except perhaps geometry) never tell you where you are going, what you are trying to achieve. I believe it would be most useful for the VS learner to start at the higher, more abstract math and break it down into its components.
Either way, phonics is very much "one piece, then two piece" where whole word is "whole then part". Some brains just REALLY do better with one than the other. Those who do not understand how someone can learn to read "whole word" have to understand that the same bewilderment or doubt you feel for that way of understanding is the same that VS folk feel about phonics. It is random pieces of information that are unrelated.
More on that in the next post....
Friday, March 11, 2016
Loading The Emotional Dice of Anxiety
Generally the same threats that threaten us, threaten others. Everyone with a heart (which is everyone) could have a heart attack. Everyone who lives in a house could have a break in or a fire.
However, not everyone chooses to dwell on the possible. Are they less safe than those who have developed an anxiety disorder about these things? No. You might think you are more safe if you never get into a car, but would you choose a fender bender where no one gets hurt or a horrible slip on a puddle in your bathroom where you strike your head and neck and are paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of your life?
This is our point: anxious people load the dice of possibility according to their fear, not the likelihood of that fear actually happening. You may be afraid of a car accident but not about climbing on a chair while you are cooped up at home. However, it is actually more likely you will fall in your home (possibly causing severe injury) than you will get into a car accident. You might not be afraid in your home. But is that reasonable to be less afraid of a "more dangerous" place and to be more afraid of a "less dangerous" place? No. You just chose to focus on a fear which made it seem that that fear is more likely to happen, when really it isn't.
(Technically it is not reasonable to be afraid of anything. Aware, yes. Prepared, yes. Cowering away from it? No.)
Now, here is something that anyone trying to emerge from anxiety encounters: that often subconscious fear that the MINUTE they let their guard down, BAM! Whatever they are afraid of will happen. Let us just tell you that it does not work that way.
Just because you choose to not be afraid of something, that does not mean it will happen. Just because you are afraid of something, that does not mean it will not happen. This sense of fear is just of an imaginary likelihood, not a real one.
We need to understand this. If you are driving and are getting into an accident right now, first of all you know better than to drive and read, but secondly, your fear as your car skids into another is reasonable.
It is not reasonable, though, to have a fear of something that is not going on. To anticipate pain or loss just wastes valuable time and brain space. Your mind is too valuable to use it on foolishness, so start using your powerful mind to overcome your lizard brain.
One of your tools you can use is to look around you to what other people fear. If people are not driving because there is an ice storm, that is reasonable. If people are driving because it is a normal Tuesday afternoon, then that is also reasonable. When you cannot depend on your own sense of what is reasonable, you often have to look at the actions of others.
Some pretty tough talk, yes. We have found, though, that we have to be stern with the emotions but gentle with the spirit and to use the mind to focus the brain. You know that your fear is unreasonable....we are not telling you anything new :) And we are not condemning you for it. But if there is one thing you can find here at TCG is honesty and straight talk. We value you as a person too much to blow sunshine up your skirt.
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