Much Too Much

You know that feeling when you are really nauseated--perhaps carsick or from a stomach bug?  You are just barely hanging on, trying to stay quiet and still so you don't throw up?

Or perhaps you have a migraine or are hungover and are just barely hanging on to your lunch and your sanity?

You know how every scent, sound, sight, touch is overwhelming and you just want to go somewhere cool and quiet and dark and still?

That is what it is like for an Outlier with OE's or an introvert who has been overstimulated, minus (sometimes) the nausea and pain.

Now imagine someone saying "Dude, stop being a baby.  You aren't that sick.  Just grab your bucket and come to the club!".  Besides wanting to punch them square in the nose, you also are determined to not deal with people.  You just want to recover in peace.

"Much Too Much"
Outliers are Outliers because their entire nervous system, from brain to tiny nerve in a toe, is attune to input and sensory data and works constantly, like a revving engine, to make and break and remake unique connections.  This means that it is easy, particularly if tired or ill or run down, to overwhelm the nervous system.  Just as how it is a lot more problem throwing a wrench into a gear that is going at 200rpm vs one going at 2rpm, one little "too much" (sight, sound, thought, movement, interaction) can send the Outlier into that "nauseated but not" feeling.

When the nervous system is overloaded, you just feel the need to escape, to go somewhere cool and quiet or warm and dark or whatever is most settling.  It is like how scents don't cause stomach flu, but when you have it, a single whiff can put you over the edge from in control to hugging the bowl.

This is not just an emotional need to escape, it is actually a physical need as well to settle and reorganize the neurons and sensations.   When your Outlier is overwhelmed or has been going all day and comes home and just needs a few minutes of quiet and alone, let him be.  Suggest music, a book, a walk outside, a hug--something that will allow them to regroup.    If your wife is an Outlier and has spent all day with children, she might need you suck up an hour with the kids (and chores--don't just plop in front of the tv and consider the fact that nothing was set on fire a win.  Put the dishes in the dishwasher or take 10 min to sweep the floor.  It is amazing how she will react to that to your favor) so she can get some quiet.

When the Outlier is an introvert, interactions with people, even via internet, will add to the burden on the nervous system.  Many extrovert Outliers do not seem to experience as much overload as introverts, but it still happens.

Some hints that your Outlier's nervous system is overwhelmed:
-Lashing out unreasonably
-Unexpected emotional outbursts
-General grouchiness
-Headaches
-Stomachaches
-A desire not to do pleasurable things (not meaning long term denial of pleasure)
-Communication changes (for example, a normal chatty Outlier suddenly talks in monosyllables)
-More time spent with headphones on or playing video games or in a book.
-Speaking more quietly (or loudly) than normal
-Off appetite or craving comfort foods.
-More obsessive or compulsive than normal for them.

Now, this does not excuse bad behaviour on anyone's part.  The Outlier has to be taught to manage their own overstimulation, just as anyone else has to.  Being overstimulated is not an excuse for an Outlier adult or child to be a jerk to others.  It is just as easy to say "I need a moment" as it is to have a tantrum.

However, young Outliers might not understand what is going on and parents can help them learn to recognize "too much".  Parents can also help Outliers learn how to stretch their tolerance:  overstimulation is not deadly or injurious, just uncomfortable.  Sometimes you just can't leave a situation because you want to.  Sometimes you just have to use internal calming techniques to manage.

The recharge period varies.  It could just be the length of time it takes to use the restroom to an entire day of rest.  We at TCG encourage one rest day (deliberate rest, no work, no catch up).  This day is used to physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually recharge.  The key is deliberate rest, not just "procrastinating".  Declaring a day and a plan for that day helps frame the rest without guilt.  It also provides a framework for being able to actually rest, much like how a vacation day is more restful than a day when someone is on call but is not called in.

It is like a boxer catching his breath in the corner between rounds--a little time now will keep him going further later.

Edison's Mom--A Champion

There is a heart-wrenching meme going around about Thomas Edison and his mom.  According to the meme, the boy was sent home with a letter addressed specifically to his mom.  She read it and with deep emotion told the boy that the school says that he is too smart for them, that they are too small to serve him and suggests that she school him at home.

Time passes, mom dies, and a now accomplished Edison finds the letter in her desk.  It actually said that he was "addled" and please do not send him to school anymore.  Overcome by emotion that his mother saw potential in him that the school didn't, he weeps for her.

The problem is that it is not true.  As sweet as this story is, the REAL story is better and is an encouragement to gifted kid moms and dads.  Mrs, Edison was not an emotional weeping mom who lies to her child, albeit for good intentions, that the story portrays.  Actually she is an iron fist in a velvet glove:  the mom knew that the school, particularly one instructor, was being a jerk.  She tried to work within the system, but when the school wouldn't budge, she took matters into her own hands, bucked the system, and educated him herself. Story Here

Isn't that a better example for gifted moms AND one that is more realistic to what moms of gifted kids go through?  You plow and fight tooth and nail against establishments and arrogance and ignorance.  Finally, you have had enough niceness and go up the chain to the district or switch schools, or homeschool because you are a determined, intelligent woman who is not going to let adult bullies push you and your child around.  YOU, moms, take control of your child's education, rejecting the easy route, and are your child's guardian, protector, champion, and instructor.

Now, this is not to belittle those who love the fake version of the story--everyone loves a good tear jerker.  I would just offer, respectfully, that a)truth is important at all costs and b)the truth here is a much better example of the common plight of the gifted child in educational settings that are inadequate.